Pharmacy Jokes

  Hey team, I recently did some stand-up jokes for a fun " Pharmacy pageant”, if you will. I've always wanted to do stand up, and I figured this would be a great opportunity to throw myself out there and try to make people laugh.  I can't say it was my best performance however, we all have to start somewhere, and I am grateful for the opportunity.  Today I'd like to write them out with some fun visual aids  and make it kind of a working documents for whenever I think of a funny Pharmacy joke. I hope you enjoy.

1.  the overly cautious pharmacist

You guys know about Narcan, right? It’s an opioid antagonist — a nasal spray that reverses overdoses. It's honestly incredible. It saves lives every day. People literally come back from the brink. I’m so grateful we have it… but personally, I know I’d make a total fool of myself if I ever had to use it.
 I can just imagine myself walking along and then I see someone passed out and recognize that this is an overdose. I spring into action, kneel down, Narcan in hand… and then suddenly my pharmacy brain kicks in.
I freeze. I’m like, “Wait, wait — what prescription meds is he taking? Any OTCs? What’s his renal function? Has anyone calculated a CrCl?”
I’m trying to call his PCP, pulling up Lexicomp, mid-panic… meanwhile this guy’s literally turning blue.
 I just hope an EMT swoops in, rips the Narcan out of my hand, and shouts,
 “Hey CVS — we don’t have time for a full DUR consult!”

 

Helping out at the Pharmacy
 Back home we have quite a few alternative people if you will always looking to be healthy and "natural”. At the pharmacy I had a couple come up to me, real power couple if you will. The wife is chatting with me at the counseling window and she says “ so my husband here has diabetes and we're looking to pick up some glucose tablets. Can you help us out?”.  I say, of course, and come around the counter and pick out  a few good options for them in the diabetes supply aisle. One by one, she picks up the bottle, shakes her head and puts it back down.  Eventually she looks at me and politely says “excuse me, but do you have any that are sugar-free, we're really watching are added sugar right now”.


4. Thin Inside and Out
I was helping a lady out who was picking up a prescription for warfarin and ozempic. I got to chatting with her and asked “so what are you on these two for”? She told me “well I’ve been on the warfarin for a while for my heart, but I got tired of my blood being the only thing that was thin”.
5. Chatting with the Old Man
I've worked with a lot of old people over the past few years, sometimes one-on-one but I also used to work at a coffee shop and through all this I got really good at chatting them up and knowing what they wanted to hear. What I learned is that they love, especially the men, love to be treated like they’re kids up to know good, and I try to bring this same energy to the pharmacy. I was with an older man, real legend, picking up his prescription for Zoloft and Viagra. I was counseling him on the two meds and saying “so this one (zoloft) is to make you happy, the other is to make your partner happy. Now don’t get them mixed up or you’ll be crying with an erection for 4 hours. One more thing; you stay out of the tribe young man”!

6. New Side Hustle
With pharmacy school being so expensive and it being hard to find a decent paying job around here, I’m thinking of starting a little side hustle. I call it the “Pharmacy Phone Sex Hotline”.
You call in, soft jazz plays, and I counsel you on anything you’d ever want to hear.
(in a sexy voice) “Oh, what's that, you need a refill? It says PRN but we BOTH know how bad you’ve been needing this”
“Oh, antidepressants gave you sexual dysfunction? No need to augment, just call me twice a week, I’ll boost your serotonin AND satisfaction”
“You just LOVE it when I renal dose your medication, your poor little kidneys just can't handle without having a REAL pharmacist like me on board”
Eventually you ask “So… what are you wearing”, I say “Thigh-high compression stockings because I got a DVT in the fall, a white coat… (whispers) Nothing else”