Why I study Pharmacy and Why I continue to

Hey team!

I'd like to write a post about why I'm studying pharmacy specifically and why I've stuck with it. This is to let all the folks back home know but also to remind myself of my intention, which I find helps keep my head in the right place.

Pharmacy is the study and practice of pharmaceuticals (drugs). From around my senior year of high school, I started to develop an interest in medicinal drugs, more specifically psychiatric drugs. This was likely due to seeing my family rely on specific agents from time to time to help keep them steady and level-headed (in a simplistic sense). But far beyond my interest in the drugs themselves, I saw firsthand what quality care looks like and how much it is valued. This is a result of seeing a counselor for some rough times and eventually getting closer to my pediatrician, who would prescribe me antidepressants. Although both of these people, to no fault of their own, gave me some misinformation on the matter of psychotropic drugs and the etiology of depression, their individualized care and attention meant the world. This cemented that I wanted to be a provider, working with patients with no absolute reliance on the social/psychological aspect or biological aspects of a patient, but rather understanding and working with both.

Now, let's fast forward to more present-day during my studies at school. This has not been an easy path to stick to, but not for the reasons you probably think. School has not been uniquely challenging for me, but to say it's easy would be incredibly false. I believe the curriculum, as it is, is great. I remember how rewarding it was to be challenged in a topic like anatomy or organic chemistry and feel so overwhelmed and confused before putting in the proper time and eventually understanding and being able to apply the material, seeing the fruits of my labor ripen. Going to office hours, group tutoring, and alone time to get in the zone all allowed me to succeed in an incredibly rewarding process.

So, if academics are great, what is the problem? It's the people. I am not a hater; I have a love for everyone and try to see the virtues of humanity and community every day. I am passionate about learning, giving back, and adding to something bigger than myself. However, it is rare that I see these same intentions embodied in the class I'm in. Rather, it feels like I am in the minority in holding this intention. Throughout undergrad courses, it was common for students to do whatever it took to get the perfect grade and put it on their resumes. This resulted in online, self-administered tests becoming free points and free A's via answer sheets from past classes, open browsers for the same reason. No learning, yet still competition and shame for honest grades that can't compete with an open Google tab. This is on top of class members somehow resenting you for authenticity and wanting to learn, as shown by rude comments and looks directed at the active students in lectures. I label this behavior as selfish because it negates the principles that give healthcare its honor, namely virtues of selfless care and doing no harm.

This is my reality, and it's not ideal, made worse by professors who are indifferent to cheating. Maybe this is a result of higher class pass rates when it's easier to cheat, as opposed to in-person exams, but who am I to know?

So, if I'm surrounded by a majority of selfish-minded students, for lack of better terms, and indifferent professors, why do I stay? I stay and continue to work hard because of my true intention of being here; I am here for selfless reasons, to push aside my own personal gain above the greater good. I am here to be my authentic self, which stands for becoming the best provider I can be. I am not above the frustration and falsehoods I am saturated in; to believe otherwise is to give in to the ego, attached to selfish and personal gain at the cost of the collective. When I get frustrated with the lack of engagement from faculty to engage in pertinent material or a type of psychological isolation from my class, I feel dismissed, hurt, and sad. But I move on; I remind myself that this isn't about me. I am here to overcome these challenges, these stressors, these setbacks. I am here to remain giving and authentic despite the challenges. I am here to grow and not regress back into the persona. I am here to learn above all else, in every way imaginable.

The gratitude brought to me by my community is beautiful. Through the inauthenticity, there are still countless moments every day when I see the real community I live in. Seeing acts of kindness, hard work, and moments of pure curiosity remind me that the values I care about are always there. There are people laughing, hugging, smiling, lifting each other up, and just helping one another out. This is beautiful. And when I'm out of class, I go back to learning and engaging my mind in the material I really care about and that challenges me to think critically and holistically; the kind of material you see me writing about here. With the foundations of biology I have learned in my courses I have been able to greatly expand my ability to comprehend more difficult and nuanced topics.  And I love it. Though knowledge and understanding are infinitely better when you're able to share them with others, the pursuit of knowledge even in solitude is incredible. This knowledge serves me presently in my understanding of how my cells/ biology functions and what encourages or discourages well-being. It also serves my community and future patients by allowing me to lead by example and grow my understanding of how I can best serve others.  

This is why I continue to study pharmacy, even with all the imperfections and setbacks of the process.

Love of the game.